Rushing through the prayer because you're wanting to get back to what you were doing earlier, or go do the thing you were longing to do all morning. But somehow, when you sit and actually do the thing, it's not as exciting or suddenly you're not in the same mood or you get interrupted. Irritation, frustration, being upset, unfulfilled and not satisfied.
Your DESIRE was stronger than the enjoyment that came from the actual moment. You were PRESENT in that moment hours in advance, all in your head. And you depleted all the enjoyment of that actual moment.
Naval Ravikant says desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you have the thing.
That's what this is.
The Current Moment Is All That Exists¶
The current moment is ALL that exists. The future literally does not exist. So why rely on it? The future is literally unreliable and yet we don't allow ourselves to stay present in what is actually happening and instead live in an imaginary world.
Lack of presence is literally delusion. You are living in a fantasy world that DOES NOT EXIST.
You will never arrive. We will never arrive. The journey is ALL THAT EXISTS.
It's Easy to Say These Things¶
It's easy to say these things when you feel a certain way, close the laptop or notebook, and go back to reality.
But the graveyard proves it.
It's odd that you feel more fulfilled and content and satisfied with life after leaving the graveyard. Every moment feels stronger. It feels more euphoric. That breath you catch when your lungs suddenly expand beyond its normal capacity and you feel as if you allowed peace and comfort to literally wash over you.
Death is the ultimate aligner.
Death doesn't change your circumstances. It changes your perception. Which means the perception was always available.
You don't leave a graveyard wanting more stuff. You leave wanting more moments.
The Seeking Game¶
Society puts you in a position where we adopt arbitrary titles that hold meaning and value in people's eyes and hearts. And we long after these. And until we are in the position where we have it, it's no longer valuable.
The game IS to long. SEEKING and never ARRIVING. We are SEEKERS.
Arthur Brooks talks about seeking and presence. Seeking the meaning of life. Seeking the significance of things. Seeking new routines, new protocols. And trying to make meaning of things. THAT is inherently life.
But here's the tension: seeking without arriving is only fulfilling if you seek the right thing.
Brooks would say meaning, relationships, faith. Islam would say Allah. The emptiness you feel after getting the "thing"? That's seeking the wrong target, not a problem with seeking itself.
The titles (SDE II, Senior AI Engineer, FAANG) are arbitrary. The Quran calls it متاع الغرور (the enjoyment of delusion). You're arriving at the same conclusion from experience that the text states directly.
What This Means¶
The prayer was the moment. The thing you rushed to was the fantasy.
The longing IS the game. And once you name it, you stop being played by it.
The dangerous part of this insight: it can become its own escape. "I'm a seeker, seeking is the point" can become another story you tell yourself to avoid sitting in the discomfort of this moment.
So pray your prayer. Sit in boredom and feel it. Feel the current moment in all its glory.
Death doesn't change your circumstances. It changes your perception.
And the perception was always available.